The greatest wish of many children of divorce during the holidays is that Mom and Dad will get back together. Even though the sad truth is that this probably is not going to happen, you as responsible parents can cooperate, and make the holidays as happy as possible for your child. Children tend to worry about the parent they won’t be with during the holidays. They often have conflicting feelings of sadness, anger and guilt. They are not sure how to act or who to please.
Here are five helpful co-parenting tips on how to help your child through the holidays:
TIP ONE:
Always Make Your Child a Priority!
No matter how old the child, consider their feelings and what they want as well as what is actually arranged. Let them feel as though they are part of this decision-making process. Keep your children out of parenting disputes!
TIP TWO:
Consider your Child’s Feelings!
Remember many children of divorcing families will have conflicted feelings during the holidays.
Help them so they don’t default to feeling responsible for the divorce. Encourage them to have a good time with the other parent. Don’t bad talk the other parent, even if it is tempting. It is not helpful to children in a divorce situation, but particularly during the holidays. Help your children get ready for their holiday visit with the other parent. When they come home, be interested in what they did and ask non-invasive questions about the time spent with the other parent. This behavior will help your child feel less anxious and, hopefully, happier.
TIP THREE:
Plan well in advance.
Discuss and share information with the other parent. Try to put aside your anger and hurt. Make plans with the other parent. Make some of those plans to all be together for part of the holiday season, if possible. Try to coordinate gifts with your ex so your child receives a normal amount of presents and no duplicates. Conveying a strong united front helps a child feel secure and more loved especially during the holidays. Remember, you are divorcing your spouse, not your child. A strong co-parenting relationship is the best gift you can give your child this holiday season!
TIP FOUR:
Be flexible.
Good co-parenting requires compromise to be successful. Sometimes planning holidays around visitation schedules can be chaotic. But if this is not possible, Compromise! Compromise! Compromise! You will be helping your child. Think of your child’s needs first, even if this is difficult for you.
TIP FIVE:
Make the Most of It!
This means take the necessary steps to ensure your child has a wonderful holiday while keeping your sanity at the same time!
If you are divorced/or divorcing and you need help with a good solid parenting agreement, I can help. Parenting agreements can make things run a lot smoother. Your children will have better structure in their lives if you take the time to put one in place. It also helps parents to have a plan and not have to interact too much with each other if it brings tension to the situation.
I have been crafting parenting agreements as an integral part of the divorce process successfully for over 35 years. I am happy to share with you what I have learned. Call me 212.734.1551.
Warm holiday wishes,
Lois