As you know Valentine’s Day is Friday! Yay!!
Traditionally couples in the millions get engaged on this day. Being a divorce attorney and psychologically-trained mediator in the love and divorce business for over thirty-five years, sadly, I expect that fifty percent of those Valentine’s Day engagements will end in divorce. There has to be a better way to ensure that all of the love and affection shown on February 14 lasts a lifetime.
I have worked with 5 couples (millenials) in the last few months who were interested in a prenuptial agreement. Two are actually getting married in the next two weeks. I wish them all the best!!!
When speaking with these couples I shared a little wisdom gained over the last 35 years. I would like to share this wisdom with you.
Here are four tips to help you divorce-proof your relationship from the very outset so that the shine of that beautiful engagement ring doesn’t blind you to some of the very basics of a long, happy and successful marriage.
- Discuss Finances: Before marriage, couples discuss where they’re going to live, children, careers, and what side of the bed to sleep on… but never money. Some people have anxiety, guilt, and even shame about the way they handle money. Do you really want to tell a potential spouse you’re an over-spender? Not exactly the topic of discussion you want to have before you walk down the aisle. Have an open and honest conversation with your future spouse about it and know your “money style.”
- Be Aware of Abusive Qualities: You don’t have to be “hit” to be abused. Name calling, playing the blame game, emotional manipulation, and attacks on your character and abilities are all signs of emotional abuse. Words matter! Be aware of how you speak to each other. Of course, if your future spouse actually physically abuses you then that is an immediate sign that it’s time to call off the engagement. Violence never solves anything and you don’t deserve any kind of physical or emotional abuse doled out to you.
- Get a Prenuptial Agreement: Not just for the rich and famous, a prenuptial agreement forces you to have in-depth conversations about uncomfortable, but important, marital issues with your future spouse. You should discuss money, assets, pensions, children, support, what religion you plan to raise your children, family business ownership, planning for inheritance, and for divorce if it should occur. These are just a few important areas of discussion. I say, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”.
- See a Therapist: This person should be an objective, non-partisan third party concerned only for the emotional well-being of you and your future spouse. A therapist is someone who will talk you and/or your soon-to-be spouse through the logistics of making decisions and compromises where there are no losers, and help you navigate the peaks and valleys of being in a healthy marriage.
Within the scope of a relationship, respectful communication is key—honesty with yourself and your future spouse. Communication helps ensure that you don’t marry the wrong person and that you stay married to the right person. If you have any other questions about prenuptial agreements, please feel free to call me at 212-734-1551.
We have extended our free consultation till the end of February.
Have a very Happy Valentine’s Day.
Warm wishes,
Lois