When people decide to divorce it is usually in the whirlwind of heightened emotion. People are not always thinking rationally in this mindset.
I often caution clients not to be reactive when thinking about divorcing. I suggest they stop, think, and plan. When you make decisions based on pain and heated emotions you can make mistakes that will negatively affect the outcome of your divorce.
Here is the story of my client Robert (not his real name), a celebrity chef and young father of three children. He had just found out that his wife was having an affair with his “best” friend.
He found some suspicious conversations on Facebook, caught one side of some unusual late night phone conversations, and after months of this he decided to confront his wife. She admitted to the infidelity, said she didn’t love him anymore, and she wanted him to move out of the house. He was devastated and extremely angry. He was about to make every mistake in the book. Thankfully, he called me first.
During our consultation the first thing I told him was not to leave the house. That’s a big mistake some angry spouses make. He angrily shared with me he wanted to remove the entire $100,000 from the joint savings account with his wife. He also wanted to threaten that he was going to get sole custody of their three children.
After being blindsided by both his wife and best friend, Robert was entitled to be angry and needless to say, he wanted revenge. This reaction to cheating is something I hear frequently from clients. But if Robert did what he wanted to do, his behavior was all but guaranteed to have the following results:
His wife would hire a lawyer who would immediately go to court to seek:
• the return of the savings;
• sole custody of the children;
• and Robert would spend, along with his wife, well over $100,000 of the family money on attorneys’ fees.
I was glad Robert talked to me before making these mistakes.
There was a way Robert could change the outcome for the future. I explained that he should leave the savings in their joint account or, if he was concerned that his wife would remove the money, he could have the bank put a hold on the account until they worked out their divorce.
I told him not to threaten taking the children. I suggested he not push his wife into hiring a lawyer but suggest they work out their divorce arrangements in mediation to obtain a divorce in a non-adversarial fashion.
In changing his approach and managing his behavior, Robert was able to act in a non self-destructive way and avoid a protracted adversarial process. He could deal with his anger in therapy instead of in the divorce process. I provided him with the names of psychologists from my divorce team to help him.
Robert’s wife did agree to mediation. It was tearful, painful, therapeutic, and legally effective. The results were fair to both parties, healthy for the children, and cost-effective for the family.
If you are thinking about divorce, think before you do something that could hurt you. Don’t make an unnecessary divorce mistake!
Speak with me so I can educate you, explain what you are entitled to, and give you some suggestions on how to rationally and successfully move forward with your divorce.
Call me now to schedule your free consultation before you make any mistakes. 212.734.1551.
I promise to listen, and I will give you good advice.
During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic all our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are discreetly and conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
I look forward to speaking with you!
Stay healthy and safe!
Warm regards,
Lois
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