Are you thinking about divorcing but afraid to take the first step? Is the thought of getting a divorce keeping you up at night? Do you get heart palpitations every time you start googling divorce attorneys?
Yes, divorce anxiety is a real thing. As a psychologically-trained medical professional, mediator and divorce attorney, I can spot divorce anxiety right away. I often hear and see the symptoms before my clients do.
Why wouldn’t divorce be stressful? There are so many negative emotions that arise once divorce is in the air. The decision to divorce is a big life change. Especially now with so much anxiety related to the COVID 19 virus and variants, having divorce anxiety is for some unbearable, but so is being trapped in a miserable marriage.
Divorce is fueled by sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is especially true if you have been married to your partner for many years.
My psychological training and legal experience give me a unique insight into the inner emotional workings of a divorcing couple. I like to say when I work with couples I am not only addressing the head (legal strategy), but also the heart (emotions) of the divorce process.
Most divorce attorneys’ education and training is to address only the “legal” part of the divorce process. The legal system does not educate or encourage divorce attorneys to address the emotional component of divorce.
For me, divorce is about people, not just lawyers, judges, child support, property or assets. While getting the best possible legal results for my clients is first and foremost, helping clients maintain a healthy, balanced, and less stressful divorce journey is equally as important.
Here are some suggestions on getting started:
1.) Preparation
There is a lot of planning that goes into a divorce. You’re thinking, soul searching, researching, and making decisions. In addition to selecting the right divorce attorney/mediator, couples should also consider working with a therapist. I find having some of my couples work with a skilled psychologist, who is often part of my team, helps tremendously with the divorce process. Sometimes it’s even a good idea to work with a psychiatrist to prescribe medication, if necessary.
Additional emotional support is a great prescription for navigating the highs and lows of divorce. Therapy can be particularly helpful if one party is resistant to the divorce. It is also an opportunity for some spouses to discuss they want a divorce in a therapy session. Having the therapist as part of this discussion can give a spouse the support they need to address this difficult subject. This process can help tremendously to get the divorce ball rolling.
As a mediator, in a divorce mediation session, I can also help a spouse introduce the divorce discussion and provide the other spouse with the comfort and understanding of the possibility of handling the divorce amicably, fairly, and cost effectively. This can all be done virtually and is very effective.
- ) Focus
If you have children, focus on them. They are going to need all the support you can give them. Spend quality time with them. Depending on their age, explain some of what’s going on, in an age-appropriate manner, but not all of it.
Remember, they are children. They need to feel safe, secure, and loved by both parents (especially during this pandemic). Don’t speak negatively about your spouse (tempting though this may be) to your child. Save that behavior for your therapy or mediation sessions.
- ) Support
In addition to the skilled representation of a divorce attorney/mediator, and emotional guidance and support of a therapist, surround yourself with family and friends. The love and support of family and friends is the best divorce medicine.
When someone is going through a divorce, it is very common to become isolated. This isolation often leads to depression. Don’t isolate yourself! I know it feels like the easy way out, but it’s also the unhealthy way out. It’s time to stay strong and be supported. It’s not a time to be alone. It’s important for you to give yourself this gift. Treat yourself well. You still have to come out on the other side as a whole person.
Online support groups can be a great outlet as well. Speaking with others going through a divorce can help you feel a lot less alone. You may even make some wonderful new friends.
If you find yourself thinking about divorce, or having anxiety about what to do, call me. I can help you!
Having a third party to help facilitate a healthy, informative, conversation about divorce can be an effective first step.
All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore and learn more about divorce, how it works and what is possible.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Continue to stay healthy and stay!
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551