I often tell my clients going through a divorce, the only predictability in life is change. We all dread and reluctantly develop coping mechanisms for managing the inevitable change that is part of being human, just as we are all adjusting to life changes right now.
In order to make good use of the curve balls life throws at us, it’s best if we can do more than just cope. We have to embrace changes, prepare for them when we can, and face them head-on when we get hit from behind. A new beginning can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Conquering and choosing change can be empowering!
A new start for some of us might be starting a second career, getting married for the first time at an older age, buying an amazing new piece of technology, or obtaining a new degree, as I did when I became a physician assistant.
For others, change might be fixing a bad habit, leaving a miserable marriage after many years, or deciding to end an unhealthy codependent relationship. While new beginnings can be exhilarating, they can also force us to learn new skills and stretch outside of our comfort zone.
As is the case with some of my divorce clients, change can be beyond your control. Divorce really requires strength and resilience. This type of change is often harder to handle emotionally because you are not in charge. Someone, or something else, has created change in your life. This might happen due to a divorce, disaster, illness or death. This kind of change stirs up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. This type of starting over is unexpected but necessary.
I have heard from and am still hearing from many spouses who have been glued to their spouses due to COVID-19 and are tired of being in unhappy marriages. They want change, and after living through COVID-19 and social unrest, they have decided life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage.
A client recently said to me, “I’m still young, beautiful, I have a lot of life left and I don’t deserve to be abused! I’m out!!” However, once she made this decision, the next part was a challenge. She asked me, as many spouses do these days, during my free one-hour consultations, “How do I tell him this marriage is over?”
Due to my psychological training, and over 35 years of experience as a divorce attorney and mediator, I offer emotionally tempered suggestions to spouses on how to handle this difficult conversation. Sometimes, I am actually part of that process, especially when my psychologically infused divorce mediation method is being used. Big life transitions, like divorce, are powerful times in our lives. We are invited to release what is outgrown in our lives and allow space for new life to flow in. It’s hard to imagine a new chapter of your life is starting in the midst of such pain and confusion. But every ending is a new beginning.
Change is an invitation to recreate our lives, and ourselves. It is often a time to flourish in ways you might never have considered. Change can be a wonderful unexpected opportunity.
If you want to make a change in your life, and you are thinking of divorce, take this first step. Remember, starting over requires confidence, courage, and determination.
If you need help with making this change, call me. I can also guide you on how to safely approach your spouse with the difficult conversation about divorce. It can be a lot easier than you think. I will be happy to share with you some of my truly successful methods.
All our highly informative 1 Hour Consultations are FREE!
All consultations and mediation sessions are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Continue to stay healthy and safe!
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551