Peter and Angela have been married for 10 years. They have a 6-year-old son with anger issues.
Peter is a pilot, and Angela is a jewelry designer.
For the past year, Angela has been concerned that her husband has been in denial about their son’s anger issues. She has spoken to him about her concerns but he does not want her to get him any help. He sees their son’s behavior as him simply being “a boy”. Angela feels her son’s anger and rage is much more serious, perhaps what is known as a “conduct disorder”.
Angela has repeatedly asked her husband to allow her to seek treatment for their son. She has pleaded with him to pay more attention to their son’s emotional problems. It doesn’t help that her husband has his own anger issues and they have been living in a verbally abusive home.
She decided during the pandemic, and especially now that her husband returned to work as a pilot, that she has to make some really hard decisions in order to save their child and to have a healthier life.
After much deliberation, Angela decided to get a divorce to be in a stronger position to help her son. The problem? She was having a really difficult time telling her husband she wanted a divorce. She was afraid and didn’t know how to approach him. She decided to call me to get some advice.
These days, this type of phone call for me is, unfortunately, the norm. With so many unhappy couples having spent so much time together during the pandemic, spouses are reaching out for help and guidance.
As a divorce attorney/mediator, the most commonly asked question I hear is “How do I talk to my spouse about divorce? I can’t do this anymore but I’m afraid to bring up divorce. What can I do?”
Here are 5 tips for talking about divorce that seem to work:
1. Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the relationship while working with the therapist.
2. Tell your spouse that since you spent so much time together during the pandemic, you realize there are some serious marital issues that need to be addressed.
3. Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths, and suggest that you spend some time separately with your children.
4. Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and ask his/her opinion.
5. Discuss divorce in the context of mediation which will permit the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.
No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid an argument. I know this is difficult.
It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control, but it’s a start!
As a highly experienced, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator with over 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to call me.
All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
We still have some appointments available for this week.
I look forward to helping you.
Stay healthy and safe!
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner now to book your Free 1 Hour Consultation.
212.734.1551