Here is an emaiI I received three months ago:
My husband is cheating on me with two women and I am pregnant. One of them just gave birth to a baby girl. I am devastated and can’t believe my life looks like a reality show. I’m embarrassed and afraid to tell my family.
I need a divorce. Please help me. –Anne-
As a divorce attorney/mediator, it really saddened me to see this email. And yes, of course I reached out and have been working with her and her husband to dissolve this marriage.
I am happy to report Anne gave birth to a sweet baby boy. She and her husband are working out their divorce issues using my psychologically-infused divorce mediation process. They are also working with therapists who are a valuble part of my divorce team.
We are currently working on a visitation plan and things are finally going smoothly. It hasn’t been easy, but my method has been productive. It’s important to know, if you find yourself in this situation, a positive resolution is possible.
For most, having a baby is a glorious time in a couple’s life. It’s all about shopping for baby furniture, selecting names, reading baby books and preparing to bring a beautiful part of you into the world.
For couples who decide to divorce during a pregnancy whether it’s due infidelity, abuse or simply irreconcilable differences, this can be a very sad and emotionally painful time. It takes a lot of courage, while pregnant, to reach out for help and decide to divorce.
First, I ask couples if it is at all possible to save their marriage. I think the only responsible thing to do as a psychologically-trained divorce attorney is to help the couple explore keeping the family together. Is marriage counseling an option? A postnuptial agreement?
Sometimes marriages can be saved if a couple slows down, talks about what’s going on and seeks a third party to shed some light on the problem.
In this case, saving the marriage was not an option. Anne’s husband was cheating with multiple women and had fathered a child with one of them. She couldn’t trust him and we discovered he had a sex addiction.
Anne shared with me later that there was trouble in their marriage before the pregnancy. Her husband had sex with a guest the night before the wedding and she forgave him. She thought (as some women do) getting pregnant would solve their problems.
Unfortunately, it didn’t. This particular mediation case started out with a lot of tears and anger. After a few heated conversations, I was successfully able to guide them on productively communicating and addressing their legal issues and creating a fair and comprehensive parenting plan.
Their parenting plan, for example, included their both creating an identical room for their baby in each of their homes so they would have some familiar surroundings and continuity when the baby was with each of them.
If you are pregnant and find yourself considering divorce, there are ways to move through this process with as little stress as possible.
A well thought-out, comprehensive plan, along with the help of professionals, and lots of love for your newborn will see you both through. I promise!
In developing your plan there are some crucial points to consider:
- If you are separating, live in close proximity to each other so you can both spend quality time with your newborn;
- Try to be civil to each other in the presence of your newborn; (babies pick-up on emotional turmoil);
- Come together for the sake of the baby-discussing names, planning the baby’s room; and surround yourselves with supportive friends and family;
- Start discussing terms about child support and visitation sooner, rather than later.
If you are divorcing while pregnant I can help you through the process. I have helped many couples over the last 35+ years. Your pregnancy can still be joyful even through a divorce. Surround yourself with the right people to help get you through. If I can help, call me!
All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS arestill available virtually.
Call me to explore, during a free informative consultation, what is possible!
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warm wishes,
Lois
If you are pregnant and want a divorce call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551