I often tell my clients going through a divorce, the only predictability in life is change. We all dread and reluctantly develop coping mechanisms for managing the inevitable change that is part of being human.
In order to make good use of the curve balls life throws at us, it’s best if we can do more than just cope. We have to embrace changes, prepare for them when we can, and face them head on when we get hit from behind. A new beginning can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Conquering and choosing change in 2023 can be empowering!
A new beginning for some of us might be starting a new diet, implementing a new exercise program, getting married for the first time, having a child, bringing a new pet into the home, or starting a new business.
For others change might be fixing a bad habit, leaving an unhealthy marriage after many years, or deciding to end a toxic codependent relationship. While new beginnings can be exhilarating, they can also force us to learn new skills and stretch outside of our comfort zone.
As is the case with some of my divorce clients, change can be beyond your control. Change that is not within your control really requires strength and resilience. This type of change is often harder to handle emotionally because you are not in charge. Someone, or something else has created change in your life. This might happen due to a divorce, disaster, illness or death. This kind of change stirs up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings.
I am hearing from many unhappy spouses, who have been simply existing in their lives, that they have had enough and want change. They have decided life is way too short to stay in an unhappy marriage.
A client recently said to me, “I want to breathe again. I’m healthy and alive, I have a lot of life left and I don’t deserve to be abused!” However, once she made this decision, the next part was a big challenge. She asked me, as many spouses do these days, during our free one-hour consultation, “How do I tell my husband that this marriage is over?”
Due to my psychological training, and over 35 years’ experience as a divorce attorney and mediator, I offer emotionally tempered suggestions to spouses on how to handle this difficult conversation. Sometimes, I am actually part of that process, especially when my very effective divorce mediation method is being used.
Big life transitions like divorce are powerful times in our lives. We are invited to release what is outgrown in our lives and allow space for new life to flow in. It’s hard to imagine a new chapter of your life is starting in the midst of such pain and confusion. But every ending can have a wonderful new beginning.
Change is an invitation to recreate our lives, and ourselves. It is often a time to flourish in ways you might never have considered. Change can be an exciting unexpected opportunity. My advice, for 2023 is “reach out and take what you want!”
If you would like to make a change in your life for 2023, and you are thinking of divorce, take this first step. Remember, starting over requires confidence, courage and determination. You can do it!
If you need help with making this change, call me. I can also coach you on how to safely approach your spouse with the difficult conversation about divorce. It can be a lot easier than you think. I will be happy to share with you some of my truly successful methods.
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Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to learn how divorce mediation can make your divorce less painful, and expensive.
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