Scott and Jen have been married for 10 years. They have a 9-year-old daughter with behavioral problems.
Scott is a drone pilot, and Jen works part-time as a makeup artist.
For the past three years, Scott has been concerned that his wife has been in denial about their daughter’s behavioral issues, and she has not been willing to do everything possible to get her treatment.
Scott has repeatedly asked his wife to take their daughter to see different doctors/psychologists to get a diagnosis and to try different behavioral treatments. He has begged his wife to pay more attention to their daughter’s uncontrollable emotional outbursts and psychological needs. She repeatedly says, “There is nothing wrong with our daughter.”
He decided last year that he had to make some really hard decisions in order to save his child.
After a lot of thought, Scott decided to get a divorce to be in a stronger position to help his daughter. My litigation partner and I were finally able to help him get custody of his daughter. It turns out his daughter is on the autism spectrum and the child is now receiving the treatment she needed.
But the problem initially was that Scott was having a really difficult time telling his wife that he wanted a divorce.
He saw some of my reviews on Google and he decided to call me to get some advice. As a divorce attorney/mediator for more than 35 years, I was able to give him a few good suggestions on how to approach her and he did!
When I receive a phone call from a spouse considering divorce the most asked question I receive is, “How do I talk to my spouse about divorce? I can’t live like this anymore, but I’m afraid to bring up a divorce discussion. What can I do?”
Here are five suggestions to help get the conversation going!
- Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the relationship in the therapist’s office.
- Tell your spouse that you had a lot of time to think during the pandemic and having spent so much time together you realize there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.
- Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths and suggest that you spend some time separately with your children.
- Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and ask his/her opinion.
- Discuss divorce in the context of mediation, which will permit the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.
No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid an argument. I know this is difficult.
It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control.
As a highly experienced, psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator with more than 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to call me.
I am offering a free consultation that is really informative! Call right now 212.734.1551.
I look forward to helping you.
Warm regards,
Lois
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