Is thinking about divorce keeping you up at night?
Are you afraid to take the first step? Do you get heart palpitations every time you start googling divorce attorneys?
Yes, divorce anxiety is a real thing. As a psychologically trained medical professional, mediator, and divorce attorney, I can spot divorce anxiety right away. I often hear and see the symptoms before my clients do.
Divorce can be a challenging and emotionally overwhelming experience. It's natural to feel anxious starting and during this process, as it involves significant life changes and uncertainty.
Why wouldn’t divorce be stressful? There are so many negative emotions that arise once divorce is in the air.
Divorce is fueled by sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is especially true if you have been married to your partner for many years.
My psychological training and legal experience gives me a unique insight into the inner emotional workings of divorcing spouses. I like to say when I work with spouses I am not only addressing the head (legal strategy), but also the heart (emotions) of the divorce process.
Most divorce attorneys’ education and training is to address only the “legal” part of the divorce process. The legal system does not educate or encourage divorce attorneys to address the emotional component of divorce.
For me, divorce is about people, not just lawyers, judges, child support, property, or assets. While getting the best possible legal results for my clients is first and foremost, helping clients maintain a healthy, balanced, and less stressful divorce journey is equally as important.
However, by implementing certain strategies, you can effectively handle divorce anxiety and navigate this transitional period with more ease.
Here’s are some of my suggestions on getting started:
1. Preparation
There is a lot of planning that goes into a divorce. You’re thinking, soul searching, researching, and making decisions. In addition to selecting the right divorce attorney/mediator, couples should also consider working with a therapist. I find having some spouses work with a skilled psychologist, who is often part of my team, helps tremendously with the divorce process.
Additional emotional support is a great prescription for navigating the highs and lows of divorce. Therapy can be particularly helpful if one party is resistant to the divorce. It is also an opportunity for some spouses to discuss they want a divorce in a therapy session. Having the therapist as part of this discussion can give a spouse the support they need to address this difficult subject. This process can help tremendously to get the divorce ball rolling.
As a mediator, in a divorce mediation session, I can also help a spouse introduce the divorce discussion and provide the other spouse with the comfort and understanding of the possibility of handling the divorce amicably, fairly, and cost effectively. This is all done virtually and is very effective.
2. Focus
If you have children, focus on them. They are going to need all the support you can give them. Spend quality time with them. Depending on their age, explain some of what’s going on, in an age appropriate manner, but not all of it.
Remember, they are children. They need to feel safe, secure and loved by both parents. Don’t speak negatively about your spouse (tempting though this may be) to your child. Save that behavior for your therapy or mediation sessions.
3. Support
In addition to the skilled representation of a divorce attorney/mediator, and emotional guidance and support of a therapist, surround yourself with family and friends. The love and support of family and friends is the best divorce medicine.
When someone is going through a divorce it is very common to become isolated. This isolation often leads to depression. Don’t isolate yourself! I know it feels like the easy way out, but it’s also the unhealthy way out. It’s time to stay strong, and be supported. It’s not a time to be alone. It’s important for you to give yourself this gift. Treat yourself well. You still have to come out on the other side as a whole person.
Online support groups can be a great outlet as well. Speaking with others going through a divorce can help you feel a lot less alone. You may even make some wonderful new friends.
Ask about our support groups and wellness package.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Divorce can lead to feelings of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself during this time. Understand that healing and adjusting to a new life will take time. Embrace the fact that you may experience a range of emotions, and it's okay to take it one day at a time. Setting realistic expectations can alleviate anxiety and promote a more positive outlook.
5. Focus on Healthy Communication
Effective communication is vital during divorce proceedings. Work on establishing clear and healthy communication channels with your spouse, whether it's directly, with your mediator or attorney. By maintaining respectful and constructive communication, you can reduce conflict, resolve issues more efficiently, and minimize anxiety-inducing situations. Don’t discuss the details of your settlement with your spouse. It only leads to arguments. Save those discussions for your mediation sessions.
6. Personal Growth
Divorce offers an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Use this time to explore your interests, develop new skills, and redefine your identity. Engaging in activities that contribute to personal growth can help you regain a sense of purpose and confidence, reducing divorce-related anxiety. Consider pursuing educational courses, engaging in hobbies, or joining support groups to connect with individuals going through similar experiences.
If you find yourself thinking about divorce, or having anxiety about what to do, call me. I can help you!
As a savvy and skilled medically trained divorce attorney/mediator, you will receive the benefits of my comprehensive approach to divorce.
Having a third party to help facilitate a healthy, informative, conversation about divorce can be an effective first step.
Call me to explore and learn more about divorce, how it works and what is possible.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. Let her provide you with the legal/psychological support you need to start this journey!
Call 212.734.1551 right now. We have a few openings available this week!
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