As a seasoned divorce attorney and mediator, I know how difficult divorcing during the holidays can be and how overwhelmed you can feel, especially when it comes to deciding how to split holiday time with your children.
The season, already full of expectations, can add emotional and logistical complexities. A clear co-parenting holiday schedule can reduce stress between parents, provide children with a sense of security and predictability, and ensure parents can enjoy meaningful holiday time with their children.
With careful planning and a focus on your children’s well-being, you can create a co-parenting holiday schedule that fosters peace and joy for everyone involved.
So here’s what I suggest:
1. Start Planning Early
Procrastination can lead to misunderstandings or heightened emotions. Begin discussions about the holiday schedule well in advance to allow time for compromise and adjustments.
- Use a calendar to map out the holidays and identify key dates.
- Include special traditions or events that matter to your family, like Christmas Eve dinner, Hanukkah lighting, or a New Year’s party.
2. Focus on Your Children’s Needs
Holidays are about creating happy memories for your kids. Consider their emotional needs and preferences when crafting the schedule.
- Consistency is key: Keep some familiar traditions to provide a sense of stability.
- Ask for their input: Depending on their age, children may have preferences for how they spend their time.
3. Choose a Scheduling Approach
There are several ways to structure a holiday schedule. Choose one that aligns with your family’s needs:
- Alternating Holidays: One parent has the children on Christmas Eve, Christmas, Hannukah, New Years Eve and alternate annually.
- Split Days: Divide major holidays into two parts (e.g., Christmas morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other).
- Rotating Years: One parent has the kids for all holidays in even-numbered years, and the other parent in odd-numbered years.
- Celebrating Twice: Hold separate celebrations with your children, extending the festive spirit over several days.
4. Put Agreements in Writing
Documenting your holiday schedule prevents miscommunication and sets clear expectations.
- If the divorce is in progress, include the holiday schedule in your temporary custody agreement.
- For finalized divorces, incorporate it into your parenting plan or custody order.
5. Plan for Long-Distance Parenting
If one parent lives far away, consider these strategies:
- Rotate entire holidays: One parent has the children for Thanksgiving, and the other for Christmas.
- Virtual connections: Schedule video calls to keep the absent parent involved.
- Travel arrangements: Decide who is responsible for transportation and associated costs.
6. Keep Extended Family in Mind
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins may also want to spend time with the children. Coordinate schedules to ensure kids can maintain these important relationships without feeling overburdened.
7. Create New Traditions
Divorce often marks the end of some traditions, but it’s also an opportunity to create new ones. Focus on building meaningful activities that bring joy to your new family dynamic.
- Host a holiday movie night.
- Bake cookies together.
- Volunteer at a local charity as a family.
Mediation can be an ideal solution for creating an effective parenting plan. As a medically trained family law attorney and mediator, I can help you craft a thorough and fair parenting plan to help you through the holidays.
Creating a co-parenting holiday schedule requires patience, compromise, and a child-centered approach. While it may feel challenging, prioritizing your children’s happiness and stability will ultimately make the holidays a positive experience for everyone.
By planning ahead, communicating effectively, and embracing flexibility, you can set the stage for peaceful and joyful holidays, even during a time of transition.
I have guided many parents using my highly successful mediation process. I can help you too! Call me now to schedule your free consultation. I will answer all your questions and we can discuss all the details. Call 212.734.1551.
I look forward to speaking with you!
Happy Holidays!
Best,
Lois