Divorce is never an easy decision, but for couples in their 50s, 60s, or beyond—often referred to as experiencing a "grey divorce"— the stakes can be even higher.
As a seasoned, medically trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, I have developed a unique approach to the success of “grey divorces’ using mediation.
For couples I work with, after decades of shared lives, homes, finances, and perhaps even children, the prospect of separating is daunting. Grey divorce can have profound emotional and financial implications, and traditional litigation can exacerbate these issues.
For this reason, my mediation process is a very attractive and highly successful option.
Below, are my 10 reasons why mediation is particularly beneficial for couples considering a grey divorce.
1. Cost Efficiency
Divorce litigation can be very expensive, especially for older couples who may be nearing or in retirement. Traditional divorce proceedings often involve drawn-out court battles, which can drive up legal fees. Mediation, on the other hand, offers a more cost-effective approach. With a mediator, like myself, helping couples reach amicable solutions, can make the process quicker and cheaper. This can preserve more of the couple's savings and retirement funds, ensuring that both parties have financial security post-divorce.
2. Preservation of Retirement Funds
For couples nearing retirement, their pension, 401(k), or other retirement accounts often make up a significant portion of their assets. Mediation encourages cooperation, which helps to divide these funds equitably without the lengthy court disputes that could result in depletion of assets. As a mediator I can help both parties navigate the complex issues surrounding the division of retirement benefits, which may include long-term planning considerations.
3. Less Stressful
Divorce at any age is emotionally draining, but grey divorce can be particularly overwhelming due to the sheer number of years spent together and the multitude of shared experiences. Mediation provides a more peaceful alternative to the adversarial nature of court proceedings. By fostering a calm environment for discussions, mediation reduces emotional tension, allowing both parties to focus on finding workable solutions rather than getting bogged down in a battle over past grievances.
4. Focus on Collaborative Solutions
Mediation is centered on collaboration rather than confrontation. For older couples who may want to maintain some form of relationship—whether for the sake of adult children or shared social circles—collaborative solutions are crucial. Mediation promotes dialogue and understanding, helping couples part on better terms. I find this is especially important in grey divorces, where mutual respect can go a long way in preserving dignity and ensuring smoother transitions.
5. Protects Privacy
Divorce litigation takes place in a public courtroom, where details of the couple's personal and financial life can become part of public record. Mediation, on the other hand, offers a private setting where discussions are confidential. This is particularly beneficial for older couples who may have built reputations in their communities or professional lives and prefer to keep the details of their separation out of the public eye.
6. Quicker Resolution
Court schedules can be unpredictable, and litigation can take years to resolve. This prolonged process can create uncertainty and stress, especially for couples who are eager to move on with their lives. Mediation typically results in a much faster resolution, sometimes concluding in just a few sessions. Couples can finalize their divorce more swiftly, allowing them to move forward with their next chapters without prolonged legal entanglements.
7. Tailored Financial Solutions
Grey divorces often involve complex financial portfolios, from real estate investments to multiple retirement accounts. Mediation allows couples to craft customized financial solutions that meet both parties’ needs, taking into account future plans like retirement, downsizing, or even healthcare. Unlike a court ruling that applies general legal guidelines, mediation provides the flexibility to create a personalized agreement that reflects the couple’s unique situation.
8. Minimizes the Impact on Adult Children
While adult children are less likely to be directly involved in custody disputes, grey divorce can still have a profound emotional impact on them. The end of their parents' marriage may challenge their own beliefs about love and relationships, and they may worry about how the divorce will affect family dynamics during holidays or family gatherings. Mediation can help parents communicate openly and respectfully, reducing the emotional toll on adult children by showing that a respectful resolution is possible.
9. Promotes Healthy Future Interactions
Couples going through grey divorce often face ongoing shared responsibilities, whether it’s grandchildren, family events, or shared business interests. Mediation helps foster a healthier relationship post-divorce by promoting communication and cooperation during the process. When both parties participate in creating their agreement, they are more likely to adhere to it, leading to fewer conflicts down the road.
10. Reduces Emotional and Psychological Toll
Grey divorce often comes with feelings of loss, regret, and sadness due to the long history between the couple. Litigation can deepen these emotional wounds, as it tends to focus on who is "right" or "wrong," exacerbating feelings of resentment and anger. Mediation, however, encourages a forward-looking approach. It focuses on the future rather than dwelling on past hurts, helping both parties come to terms with the divorce and move forward in a healthier emotional state.
As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, I have worked with many couples in their 50s, 60s and beyond, using my highly successful, tailored, mediation method to end their marriages with dignity, respect, and mutual understanding. It’s cost-effective, efficient, and provides a more peaceful alternative to the combative nature of litigation.
For older couples looking to preserve their financial stability, minimize emotional stress, and maintain healthy family relationships post-divorce, mediation is a path worth considering.
Let me help you with your grey divorce by working with you to focus on collaboration and open communication.
Mediation will help you to resolve your differences and move on to the next stage of life with clarity and confidence.
Call me to schedule your free consultation today!
I look forward to working with you!
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to learn more about how mediation can help you with your “Grey Divorce”!
Schedule your free consultation right now! Call 212.734.1551.