As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I am uniquely skilled at working with spouses with mental health issues. One of the many disorders I have a specialty in is multiple personality disorder, referred to these days as Disassociative Indentity Disorder (DID).
Divorcing a spouse is rarely a straightforward or easy decision. When a spouse has a mental disorder like DID, divorcing can feel very complex and emotionally draining. While DID is a rare condition characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states, the legal, emotional, and logistical aspects of ending a marriage under these circumstances require unique considerations. This blog aims to provide guidance and support for those of you navigating this challenging path.
Understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder
Dissociative Identity Disorder often stems from severe trauma, usually in early childhood. Individuals with DID may exhibit varying behaviors, memories, and emotional responses depending on which personality state, or “alter,” is dominant at a given time. These shifts can make communication and decision-making challenging in a marriage, let alone during a divorce.
It’s important to approach the situation with compassion while also setting clear boundaries. Understanding DID doesn’t mean you should tolerate abuse or neglect, but it can help you maintain perspective and make informed decisions as you move forward.
Legal Considerations When Divorcing a Spouse with DID
1. Hire an Experienced Attorney/Mediator
Look for a divorce attorney with experience in cases involving mental health issues. I am not just a divorce attorney and mediator, but I have medical training with an emphasis on psychiatry. I can guide you on how your spouse’s condition might affect the division of assets, custody decisions, and spousal support. It’s really important to work with an attorney who can guide you and offer the comprehensive support this type of divorce requires.
2. Custody and Parenting Plans
If you have children, their well-being is paramount. Courts prioritize the best interests of the child, which includes assessing each parent’s ability to provide a stable and safe environment. Your spouse’s DID diagnosis doesn’t automatically disqualify them from custody, but it may influence the terms of a parenting plan. Be prepared to provide evidence if your spouse’s condition has negatively impacted their parenting.
3. Division of Assets
Mental health conditions like DID may complicate financial matters, especially if your spouse’s alters have made inconsistent financial decisions. Gather detailed records of assets, debts, and financial transactions to ensure a fair division.
4. Consider Mediation
Mediating your divorce rather than going to court might be a softer approach. A spouse with mental illness may respond better to a more amicable and less disruptive process. Having the right attorney/medical professional as your facilitator will be key to the success of the divorce.
As part of my divorce approach, I have a diverse team of professionals in various fields, like psychiatry, therapists, family counselors and so forth to provide a comprehensive system to guide the spouse with mental illness and the family in making healthy decisions for everyone involved.
Emotional Preparation for the Divorce Process
1. Seek Therapy for Yourself
As the emotionally healthy spouse, you will find divorcing a spouse with DID emotionally exhausting. Working with a therapist can help you process feelings of guilt, anger, or sadness. It can also equip you with coping strategies for dealing with your spouse’s unpredictable behavior during the divorce. I always recommend therapy to the emotionally stable spouse so they are equipped to handle the highs and lows of this type of complex divorce.
2. Establish Boundaries
Your spouse’s alters may have different perceptions and emotional responses to the divorce. Clearly communicate your boundaries, and avoid being drawn into emotional confrontations. Document interactions if necessary.
3. Support Networks
Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups. Talking to others who’ve experienced similar situations can provide insight and encouragement.
Practical Tips for Navigating the Divorce
1. Keep Detailed Records
Maintain a journal of significant events, conversations, and behaviors related to your spouse’s DID. This can be helpful when discussing your case with your attorney.
2. Be Prepared for Delays
Your spouse’s condition may cause delays in the divorce process. They might struggle to show up, make decisions, or follow suggestions. Patience and persistence are key.
3. Protect Your Finances
If your spouse has made erratic financial decisions in the past, consider taking steps to protect your assets. This might include opening a separate bank account or consulting a financial advisor.
As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, I have guided many spouses in marriages affected by mental health disorders to find the best, healthiest path to divorce.
Divorcing a spouse with Dissociative Identity Disorder is a challenging journey that requires patience, understanding, and support. By assembling a knowledgeable legal team, prioritizing your emotional well-being, and remaining focused on practical steps, you can navigate this complex process with resilience.
Remember, seeking a divorce does not make you a bad person or an unsupportive partner. Sometimes, the healthiest choice for both parties is to move forward separately. You deserve a future filled with peace, stability, and fulfillment.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free consultation with me so I can help you.
Call 212.734.1551and let’s start talking about keeping you safe and supported during your divorce.
A mental health professional on our staff can give you a free consultation.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warm regards,
Lois